Attempted reservoir tampering

We’ve been advised not to mention it but we’ve been jolly well vindicated so we’ll give you the outline. We were employed a while ago by some creepy scientific christian group who looked like the BNP out for a day in court. They smiled and smelled like simpletons and made it pretty obvious that they were dodgy perverts with too much money and some mad plan to probably kill everyone. They were quite emphatic about being against sin and modern vice and that, but we reckon they probably spent their time bumming each other silly while crying and singing boring hymns. So these weirdos wanted us to do something to point out that the world is overpopulated and that their god is better than everyone else’s. We’re guns for hire, we can work for people and causes we don’t like. We’ve done black PR for some right baby-eating property developers, so we set about it with our customary vigour.
We ordered two tonnes of Citalopram, which, if administered correctly, has been rumoured to make men sterile, as well as anti-depressing them. We weren’t sure how to administer it correctly so we thought we’d just hoy it into a big reservoir near Birmingham. We figured that even if we got sent down all the bumming wouldn’t get us pregnant anyway on account of the sterility, haha, lol, etc. Our clients might be bastard psychos but we’re not. We knew when we ordered the stuff from India that the request would be monitored so we did it in a jokey way. Of course we knew it was just dyed flour or we never would have driven it up to the reservoir. The police, who it has to be said looked pretty sterile already, started off talking about terrorism charges and 10,000 counts of attempted murder before retreating, amusingly, to fly tipping charges even though they stopped us before we could dump the frikkin stuff, which we weren’t gonna do anyway. We suggested they might want to charge us with buying some flour and driving it around a bit.